My passion and falling out with a world I can’t visit

"Traveling by way of my trusted Dreadsteed on my way back to my cozy fishing spot off the southern coast of Borean Tundra, I have but one goal in mind: fishing up a fabled sea turtle that had exceptional swimming speed. Another trophy to add to my collection of mounts and pets that I've begun working on. Keeping a small flame alive via magic to keep warmth while surviving the hard cold and wind of Northrend, I stay ever watching these as-yet uncharted lands, especially with the everlooming threat of The Lich King to the North with his erected Icecrown Citadel, keeping silent watch over every movement happening on his land." This is one of many internal monologues that would run through my mind throughout my 13+ on-and-off-again years playing World of Warcraft. A game that changed and impacted the lives of countless millions of people, and something I still get the urge to want to adventure through to this day. With Blizzcon this coming weekend and now being under the Xbox umbrella, there's going to be more eyes on it than ever before. With leaked announcements and expansions for current projects, it's a celebratory time for fans of WoW, Diablo, and Overwatch. While I've personally fallen out of touch with some of their IPs, World of Warcraft will always hold a special place in my heart. It's the game that's been part of my life the longest and something I have the fondest memories of. Getting caught up in the hype, I thought now would be an excellent time to dive into my life-long love affair and subsequent falling out.

My journey began in the middle of 2006 as a young, impressionable 11-year-old boy with not a lot of friends and countless worlds already explored throughout gaming. For those unaware, this was the prime time to really get into the game. With a large, booming playerbase of 6 million about to jump to 10 million the following year, the "Make Love, Not Warcraft" episode of Southpark was just a few short months away, projecting the game further into mainstream media. The following year, we'd see the rise of cross-promotion campaigns with Mtn. DEW Game Fuel, with two distinct flavors representing both the Horde and Alliance factions in the game, and you'd be hard-pressed to find someone who doesn't remember the iconic commercials that would release, featuring the likes of Mr.T, William Shatner, and Ozzy Osbourne. These things were essential in helping bring this craze and addiction to an even wider audience. WoW was reaching a level that was otherwise unheard of before and was growing at an existential rate with no sign of slowing down. Myself, like many were, let's be honest, addicted to WoW. What seemed like a never-ending expanse filled with unique things to do and see, you could easily find yourself losing hours or even days simply to the depths of the world (of Warcraft; this is the only one of these I'm going to do).

I had acquired a few 7-day trial codes they would pack into cipies of the game and spent probably my first month playing through them, making every character and class combination you could think of sticking particularly close to Taurens as their starting zone was just so beautiful and peaceful to me. Mulgore, to this day, is still the first zone I think of when WoW comes to mind. Me being a foolish dumb kid back in the day hit a roadblock, though. In the process of creating my first MMO account, I was hit with a dilemma. In my mind, my fantasy name is what I would have to remember to log in and play from then on. I couldn't be seen walking around as JimBob or something basic, but I needed something I wouldn't forget (for literally no reason), so I started tapping the random button over and over and over again, until eventually a name stuck. Something simple that sounded like it belonged in the world, something I could remember (again for no reason), and now something that's just another label for me now. World of Warcraft characters, to other MMO's, to my ID on almost every online service I use, from Xbox to Playstation. After a handful of "random" name clicks, "Amillent" appeared in the text box, and I hit confirm. Amillent, the human warlock, was born. The first character I made and decided to stick with past the initial leveling zones, and to this day, my only max-level character that I've accomplished all my tasks on has been Amillent. Sure, there were a few weird times when we magically transformed into an orc and then back into a human, but this time as a female, and Amillent has been synonymous with me since.

Eventually, after pushing and leveling my way through Elwynn Forest as everyone else does, we end up in Westfall and having to attempt our way through the Deadmines. Back in the day, this was the place where men were separated from children, and you were beaten down relentlessly, even attempting to get near this place. There are numbers somewhere that the Defias members guarding this place have some of the highest kill counts in the game at launch. While attempting to find a group to go with as I had quests that needed completing and was struggling to progress and stay alive with just my summoned minions, I ended up joining my first guild. This is going to sound sappy, but I legitimately thank the friends I made at a young age in this guild. While they were all adults and had lives, they helped a dumb kid out, carried me along with them on their journeys, and made my time in WoW more enjoyable. To this day, I remember our core group and the times we had together before branching off to other servers or what have you. Having other people to chat with while questing or just while lounging around Stormwind is one of the key aspects that makes an MMO great. The social aspect is one of the pillars that WoW excelled at back in the day: the need to communicate with groups for dungeons and quests, certain objectives needing an item that only a blacksmith or leatherworker could make for you—things like this are what kept the game alive and made it feel like a truly lived-in world. Our main group in the guild "Loth and Lore" on the Anetheron server was a typical fantasy RPG group. Our guild leader, Britearrow, a Paladin, and his wife, Roseannrogue, a well-rogue, next is the duo best friend pairing of one super intelligent, well-read, and the other more street smart. Haing the Priest and Monis the Mage, followed up, of course, by myself, our neighborhood Warlock. This was my group for the next 3 years. I was always behind level-wise as I enjoyed exploring too much, and my computer at the time wouldn't have been able to handle raid content reliably. Seriously, I couldn't log out in a capital city because the next time I'd attempt to log in nine times out of ten, my PC would take too long, and it'd DC me for my inactivity.

Then the day finally came, and I got the Burning Crusade. It was a little while after launch, as I didn't want to jump in until I had my character at max level. This was truly the turning point for me. I remember when I got it as if it were yesterday. On a cold, windy day, raining off and on throughout, my mom had taken me to Walmart, and with BC in my hands, we headed to checkout. I'll never forget the person working the register telling my mom that she would regret buying this for me. I guess that monthly subscription does add up fast. Sorry,  mom. On the drive home, I couldn't be pulled away from examining every inch of the box as rain patterned against the window. Reading everything on the fold-out cover, going through the manual, and trying to mentally prepare myself for the journey ahead, I was completely wrapped up in the moment, anxiously waiting to get home and create my first Draenai. Burning Crusade is really where the "addiction" part of WoW hit for me. I was waking up hours before school to get time in; I wouldn't even have my shoes off after school by the time I was logging in. It was bad. All I could think about was how I was going to spend my next few hours in the Outlands and what everyone else in the guild "still going strong at this point" would be up to. It was as if I was trying to catch up on lost social time. School drug on daily as I went through classes alone and kept to myself in the library. Mom was working multiple jobs, so in the evenings I was alone at home with endless adventures just a few clicks away with friends across the world. but I had access to all my friends and strangers across the globe. Going into Wrath of the Lich King, the social aspect was still very much the backbone of the experience. Having to manually find people for raiding groups and communicating towards mutual tasks

Years go by, and we have the wonderful release of Wrath of the Lich King, of which I, like many others, had some of their best memories during this time. The game was at an all-time high, player numbers were about to peak, and some of the best dungeons and raids tied in to finish off the story started years ago in Warcraft. Putting an end to the Lich King's reign truly felt like ending the "big bad" of the game. As I mentioned, a key strike to the game's structure would be the introduction of Dungeon Finder. Nowadays, it's something people take as a part of day-to-day life in the game, but at launch, it was beyond controversial. What happens when you take away the need for communication and make something as instrumental as Dungeon Groups an automated experience, randomly throwing you into a pre-created group with other players? The commodity was slowly dissipating, the sense of a banded group of people was gone, and things overall just started to feel like a by-the-numbers experience. Guildmates started leaving, chat channels in cities were slowly starting to quiet, besides people trying to push their professions for trade. This is sort of how things were for the next few years Cataclysm came and went and despite it being my first midnight launch it was the first expansion that felt just... kind of OK. This was the first time I started taking extended breaks from the game, while never canceling my membership for an extended period it was the first time I wasn't making it a daily task. I had realm and faction changed, thinking a change of scenery would help, but the same underlying issues I was having with the game were still front and center. Creating a larger wedge between myself and my excitement to play.

Finally, Mists of Pandaria was released, and to a vocal part of the playerbase, it was the expansion that steered the most away from what made WoW, WoW. I personally liked the expansion; the themeing was great; Pandaria itself was a breathtakingly varied landscape; and pet battles were finally introduced, which is where I spent most of my time collecting. This is, however, where I started losing my faith and excitement for the game. I began logging in solely to do rare mob runs, and that was it. I dabbled in raiding here and there, but it was such an elitist way of doing things and hard to even get into groups. Finally, right before patch 5.2.0, "Throne of Thunder," I quit. My subscription was done, the game was uninstalled, and there was no looking back. I was done with Azeroth, I was done with the shell of a game I loved, and I was done with World of Warcraft.

I was never one to think of taking in game screenshots so this is 1 of 2 old remaining photos I have from my phone

Fast forward a few years. Warlords of Draenor had been released, and it seemed like the game was in the worst state it had been in. I kept up with trailers and a little of the news cycle to know when things were changing, and I saw the announcement of Legion. It looked cool. Yeah, let's bring back Dalaran and add in a bunch of fan-favorite historical items and lore stuff. Still not enough to make me want to come back. That was until the day I received an email from Blizzard, which was along the lines of "Hey, we missed you. Please come back. Have 3 months of game time with us and Warlords of Draenor for free!" Well damn, that's an offer I can't pass up. Play a little bit to get reacquainted with everything, and I was there day one as Legion launched with everyone else in Dalaran. Before my eyes, there were a ton of people in front of me, talking and chatting like the old days, and a tangible sense of excitement and just overall joy again. Legion was great; I made a new friend group in a new guild who I still keep in touch with to this day, even though (spoiler alert) none of us are active in the game again. While I was having fun, the chains of nostalgia were slowly dragging me down again. The game felt different; things weren't the same as they once were, and gameplay mechanics that should be a basic thing turned into a convoluted time-gated experience. We played through Battle for Azeroth, and Shadowlands happened... I barely made it through the content and grew to almost resent the game. The story wasn't grabbing me; the playerbase felt more empty and spread out than ever before. Again, shortly after the last patch for Shadowlands launched, I was unsubscribed again.

This time, it was more so due to the financial investment and the enjoyment I was receiving in return. Still, the itch is somewhere in the back of my mind that I need to dive back into the game again. Blizzcon started today, and at the time of writing, I am sadly am stuck at work, unable to watch the opening ceremony and the announcements the team has made. I could only hope that now, under the Microsoft umbrella, they would find a way to do away with the monthly subscription. They're already double-dipping with an in-game store featuring cosmetics, mounts, and pets, as well as in-game services like server transfers. Surely they can maneuver stuff around to at least throw a WoW sub into Game Pass somehow. If it isn't announced today, the next possibility I could see would be the Xbox Showcase in June. But for now, we wait and see. Being an adult with a mortgage and multiple bills, the mere fact that there's a gated fee to attempt to find the spark that made me fall in love with Azeroth and create so many memories throughout my life is a shame. From the plains of Mulgore to the frozen city of Zul'Drak to the lush forest of Stranglethorn Vale, I wish nothing more than to someday see the world return to the social hub and gameplay experience it once was.